Ou est la Piscine?

Hellespont race report

2010-11-19T17:35:00.001Z

All – I hope you are very well. Back in August I just about managed to swim from Europe to Asia across the Hellespont. I’ve finally got around to sorting out the competition winners and hoped that you would be interested in:

· The race report from Çanakkale
· The winner of the Lord Bryon poetry competition
· The *** shock result ***of the Greatest Asian Explorer poll
· Sponsoring Guide Dogs for the Blind

Guide dogs received no government funding. It costs 40k to train a dog and I would be grateful of any donation – great or small. Many thanks to the people who have already donated more than £1,400.

Race Report

I have often thought that the safety briefings for this type of event can be more physically and mentally challenging that the race itself. The organising panel consisted of seven serious looking Turkish Rotary members who convened a “mandatory” two hour briefing at the local university. The scene was somewhat reminiscent of the UN. Clearly unwilling to establish a hierarchy among the committee members, we were treated to broadly the same speech seven times. Personally I would have opted for one who spoke English, but perhaps that’s why I am not a diplomat.

The only interesting part of the briefing concerned the tides and current in the Hellespont. Apparently the currents would be very strong. “If you don’t follow the boat with balloons on top, you will be washed away. Ha ha ha!” said the one who looked a bit a cross between like Colonel Gaddafi and Bob Dylan. “This happened to lots of people last year”, he concluded, looking unreasonably pleased at the idea.

As an additional part of the comical health and safety regime, swimmers were required then to undergo a “medical”. The rigour of this procedure varied considerably based on gender. Male swimmers were passed as fit based on their ability to stand up and generally appear alive, whilst female swimmers required close inspection of their chest with a stethoscope in a private room.

Anyway, the next morning the field of 414 swimmers arrived at the starting beach to be presented with a large fleet of boats with no balloons at all. I concluded that the Turkish version of Woolworths must have also gone bankrupt, and it is of course much harder to buy balloons in the post-financial crisis world. Overnight the wind had also picked up considerably and was gusting force 5: quite a big sea, normally described as “lumpy” by swimmers. The English organiser attempted to tell the foreign swimmers that it was too dangerous to attempt, but frankly the assembled Australians weren’t very interested in listening to that, and in the melee a Turkish boat started firing off flares which the field took to signal the start.

The field departed the shore and very soon I could see swimmers being pulled into safety boats. It was far too choppy to see properly, and I wondered where I might finish up. The assembled safety boats became a liability and I started to wish that my Turkish phrase book contained the translation for “Please could you move your large propeller a little further away from my ankles, Giuseppe”.

After an hour or more the coast came into sight. I could feel the tide and current ripping down the coast line and managed to sprint into the shore finishing a rather poor 9th place in my age group. More than 200 people missed the end point all together and were picked up miles downstream – a completion rate of only 50%. To my delight a Turkish chap (long arms, short legs) overturned the Australian favourites to win the race by several minutes: a fitting result on the Turkish Victory day.

Deakin.
http://www.justgiving.com/DeakinHellespont

http://robdeakin.blogspot.com/

With thanks to: Swim trek, the Turkish Rotary Club, Freda Streeter, Chrissie Thirlwell, Sean Dilley, Nick Adams, Clifford Golding, Barrie and Irene

About Lord Byron

2010-08-26T16:28:00.001Z

"I plume myself on this achievement more than I could possibly do on any kind of glory, poetical, political or rhetorical.”Lord Byron: 1810, after successfully crossing the Hellespont

George Gordon Noel Byron, 6th Baron Byron was born on 22nd January 1788. A particularly dissolute father Captain “Mad Jack” Byron saw him fritter away his wife’s fortune and whose subsequent death in 1791 left his unstable wife and son in certain penury. Combined with such behaviour and being of ill-health, Byron’s contempt of his aristocratic relations and his affliction of his club foot left an indelible mark on his pride and sensitivity.

Having inherited the family title and estate in 1798, Byron spent a life seeking the difference between the high goals of idealism set against the less important realities of experience. To compensate Byron became a maverick in every sense. His physical disability was nullified by his physical passion of swimming.

It has to be noted that Byron’s swims appear to be the first recorded open water swims of modern times. Swims in Cambridge as an undergraduate led to adventures in the Grand Canal in Venice, the Tagus in Lisbon Harbour and his most famous, the Hellespont in Turkey.

Lord Byron Poetry Competition

2010-08-26T16:04:00.005Z

Byron wrote one of his famous verses “Written After Swimming from Sestos to Abydos” in recognition of his swim and in praise of Hero’s nightly crossings to his beloved Leander (below).

See if you can do better than Byron to win some Falafel and Hummus. Entries should be submitted by 10th September via email or blog comment.

If, in the month of dark December,
Leander, who was nightly wont
(What maid will not the tale remember?)
To cross thy stream, broad Hellespont!
If, when the wintry tempest roared,
He sped to Hero, nothing loath,
And thus of old thy current poured,
Fair Venus! how I pity both!
For me, degenerate modern wretch,
Though in the genial month of May,
My dripping limbs I faintly stretch,
And think I’ve done a feat today.
But since he crossed the rapid tide,
According to the doubtful story,
To woo -and -Lord knows what beside,
And swam for Love, as I for Glory;
‘Twere hard to say who fared the best:
Sad mortals! thus the gods still plague you!
He lost his labour, I my jest;
For he was drowned, and I’ve the ague.
Lord Byron: 1810

(Ague: malaria or fever)

Manhattan Island Marathon race report, 6th June

2009-06-18T11:13:00.004Z

After arriving in Manhattan on Wednesday, Friday was spent a compulsory pre-race safety briefing on Governors Island. 5 hours of tedium ensued, although I am sure that the procedure for evacuating the Hudson River in the event of nuclear war will prove useful at some point in the future.

Race day itself – 4am start. Rocked up to Battery Park and put on loads of Vaseline and paced about a lot frowning. There were loads of Australians knocking about who have evidently done a lot more training than me and the scene generally resembled the set from Land of the Giants. NYPD turned up – they all have bad hair cuts for some reason – they proceeded to eat donuts and swear at the boat officials.

In the East River, mid-town with Rick, kayaker #1

7.15am the race finally got underway. Slight delay to the start – who knows why. The swimmers jumped in the water and the organisers swiftly removed the steps, hence ensuring there was no turning back. I was escorted by two kayakers and a boat. We hooned it up the East river (pictured above) with a strong tidal assist. The water in the East and Harlem rivers was pretty warm (64Fish) although it was considerably colder in the Hudson possibly due to the Atlantic. Swimming under the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges proved an immense experience.

Having passed the UN - no sign of Ban Ki-moon despite appeals for a wave - we entered Hell’s Gate. Three rivers meet and the currents are going all over the shop. It proved very hard to get through and 3 or 4 swimmers were pulled out. Thereafter the Harlem River – and the dead dog sampling began. I worked on the assumption that anything which touched me in the river was a dog. I did an Economics degree so wild assumptions come easily. 3 dogs encountered by the time we passed the Yankees stadium plus lots of bits of wood too.

In the Harlem River – drinking Maxim and appealing for pain killers

My crew did a tremendous job of preparing feeds and motivation. To swim for 8 hours, you have to drink a lot of Maxim, a carbohydrate liquid drink. It tastes awful, makes you vomit and destroys your stomach for at least a week, but is otherwise highly effective. I had 13 feeds in 8 hours and limited the feeding time to about 15 seconds each. You are not allowed to touch boat or crew whilst feeding and it’s actually quite stressful trying to take as much liquid as possible in a short period whilst avoiding swallowing river water.

Finally we cleared the Harlem River and entered the Hudson. This was the only time it got choppy and I recall having my left and right arms in completely opposite currents. We made it to mid-town on the Westside and I was cheered by thoughts of Ronan Keating. I finally finished in 8 hours 19 minutes and 44 second in 11th place (of 25). The Australia winner, John van Wisse, has finished more than an hour before and was looking unreasonably fresh - Australia won the men’s and women’s races by miles – not a good omen for the Ashes.

Deakin.

I would like to thank: Chrissie Thirlwell, Matt Jackson, The General, Nick Adams, The moo, Irene and Barrie, Cliff Golding, my parents, Otter Swimming Club, the German, Rick and Len (kayakers) and Swimtrek for all of their generous help

The competitions:
How many Deads Dogs are in the Harlem River?

The winner goes to ****David Blackwood who guessed 5 dogs****. The answer is in fact 3 dogs and a giraffe which is a visiting circus “dropped” in the river two years ago. NB - I am assuming a ratio of 1 giraffe to 2 dogs so David wins. The ratio may be ridiculous but so is the competition so no appeals please. Special commendation goes to John Weiss who’s estimating methodology was impressive but ultimately wrong– see here*. He wins some bonus onion rings

Why is Otter Lane 3 the Best?

Easy really – the answer is C – “’cos we’ve got the German”. ****Fiona Marshall wins a bottle of Veuve Cliquot and some onion rings****. Commendation to James Peaches for his critique of other lanes…apparently there are high volumes of dead dogs in lane 5 too (his words not mine, ladies). He gets some onion rings.

Cheers,Rob

http://robdeakin.blogspot.com/

http://www.justgiving.com/deakin_manhattan_Swim

http://www.nycswim.org/Event/Event.aspx?event_id=1902&from=results

Finally – the small print. I am compelled to acknowledge that Conor Rowley is (presently) a better swimmer than me and that I will pay 75 quid to a charity of his choice. I can only say that he should get a job and stop messing about doing so much training

Results

2009-06-09T23:38:00.002Z

Saturday was a beautiful day of sun and I managed to get round manhattan in 8 hours 19 minutes and 44 seconds. I finished 11th which I was pleased with (although I got thrashed by Conor, the young pup).

The results can be found on http://www.nycswim.org/Event/Event.aspx?event_id=1902&from=results

Race report to follow in a day or two.

Cheers,
Rob

Manhattan Island Swim

2009-06-04T18:42:00.006Z

On Saturday morning, 6th June, I intend to swim around the island of Manhattan, New York City, in aid of Guide Dogs for the Blind. Starting from Battery Park at the southern tip of the island, the 28.5 mile route takes in the East, Harlem and Hudson rivers to complete a full circumnavigation of Manhattan.

The race - known as the Manhattan Island Marathon Swim - consists of a field 25 solo swimmers from all over the world, armed only with standard swimming paraphernalia - one swim suit, a pair of goggles and a hat.

Training with the General

Over recent months I am lucky to have been trained by Freda Streeter, the Channel General (pictured below). Freda's advice is always concise and to the point: she is a keen advocate of keeping plans simple. Following my final training session on Sunday - 4 hours in Dover harbour - she advised "Right boy - Get through Hell's Gate as quick as you can, and watch out for the dead dogs in the river". With that I was dismissed.

Rob pictured below with Freda Streeter, the Channel General, Dover May 2009

I suppose the plan is slightly more complex than Freda’s standard English Channel briefing which consists solely of "Right boy - get your f***ing down and don't stop until you get to France."

Not easily impressed, the General, she has only ever said "well done" to me once. For that I had to swim for 7 hour in Dover harbour in what I recall as near hurricane conditions, contrasting only slightly with the General's observation that "there was something of a light breeze out there today".

Her daughter, Alison Streeter MBE, holds the world record for completing 42 successful English Channel swims, including a 3 time way swim involving swimming from England to France, France to England, and then England to France again without stopping – a distance of more than 65 miles. This record is unlikely to be broken any time soon.

Guide Dogs

Guide dogs for the Blind receive no funding from the government and enable blind people to lead a more normal life. It costs nearly £40,000 to train a guide dog.

80% mental
It is frequently said that Channel Swimming and other long distance events are more of a mental challenge than a physical one. Having done rather limited training, I guess I am about to find out.
Race report to follow.

How many dead dogs are there in the Harlem River?

2009-06-04T17:55:00.002Z

Simple competition to win the bottle of champagne. Please provide details of your estimating basis and I will judge based on my primary research on Saturday.

Respond by email or blog comment.

Guide Dogs for the Blind

2009-06-04T17:46:00.005Z

It costs £40,000 to train a guide dog - they have to be able to do many things in order to enable a blind person to be mobile, go to work etc.

For example, many people do not know that I blind dog must be able to judge relative height.

Upon approaching a bridge or door frame, the guide dog must appraise the height of the impediment and compare it to the height of the person they are guiding. During the training the dog will learn to avoid low bridges and alert the blind person to obstacles.

Most men over six foot tall cannot do this consistently for themselves -particularly having had more than a pint of Stella - so it is little wonder the puppy training is expensive.

Otter Lane 3 Competition

2009-06-04T17:18:00.001Z

Enter this simple competition and win a bottle of champagne and some onion rings. Why is Otter lane 3 the best? Is it

a) Defective technique is ignored since you can't teach an old dog new tricks
b) We’re more likely to go to the boozer post-training
or c) 'cos we've got the German

First correct emailed answer wins the prize.

Frequently Asked Questions – Manhattan Swim

2009-06-04T17:11:00.004Z

How long will it take?

Probably between 8 and 9 hours. The 28.5 mile course is partially tide assisted which will help, although the start is into the tide and you have to swim hard from the off. Once reaching the Hudson the tide should be strongly favourable.

Pre-race preparation

On the evening before the race I have carefully devised the following pre-race routine:

• Drink at least 10 litres of Evian
• Piss like a race-horse
• Listen to Tweeter and Monkey Man
• Become generally very irritable
• Sleep fitfully.

Things always improve when the race is underway – I never enjoy the build up.

Do you wear a wet suit?

No. Wet suits are banned – and are viewed with distain by the General.

What do you think about?

Among other things:
• “Are we nearly there yet”
• “Can I have some more maxim please”
• “Are we past the sewer yet”
• “Where oh where oh where oh where is the sun”
• “Is that a dead dog that just went past”
• “Am I beating Conor? - I don’t fancy paying out on our bet”
• “Was that a dead dog or was it Conor trying to sneak past”
• “I am going to have the biggest steak in New York tonight”
• ”Oh look, there is Brooklyn Bridge isn’t it marvellous”
• “What noise does a bear make?”
• “Roy Keane wouldn’t get out” and so forth.....

”1, 2, 3 breathe, 1, 2, 3 breathe….” Is also a popular thought although not one of the more interesting. Happily the more tired you get, the less you think and often the first couple of hours can be harder than the end.

Do you have a boat to follow you?

Yes – and two kayakers. In fact, I will be following the boat rather than vice versa. It’s very hard to see anything from water level so I hope to have a good captain who knows the fastest line.

Is the water disgusting?

I’ve never been in any of the rivers, although there are a couple of sewers on the way round to avoid, and I have been repeatedly advised by past participants to keep my mouth shut… See dead dog competition.

Do you have a crew:

Yes - I am lucky to have assembled a crack crew:

• Christina, my girlfriend, channel swimmer and onboard doctor. Comes armed with gags and a bag of drugs
• Matt, my school friend, dodgy swimmer, guitarist. Soon to be married. Not as fast as he used to be - wanted to be the support swimmer but can’t keep up
• Moo – photos and endless chatter. Also in charge of balloons for the kayaks.

Le Report

2007-08-03T13:49:00.000Z

Swim Report

After bad weather wiped out the entire tidal window 20-29 July, I was finally presented with the option of swimming on Monday 30th July on the Spring tide through the night. Spring tides are not normally preferred as the difference between high and low water is greater and the tides stronger. However, having spent nearly 100 hours in Dover harbour training this seemed a better option than not swimming at all, so we due packed extra light sticks and hoped that the wind would not pick up again (for the last few months I have developed a compulsive urge to stare at flag poles and see which way the wind is blowing at any particularly moment). My crew of six assembled in Dover harbour at about 2200 and spent 40 minutes or so loading the boat.

The start was a rather nervous affair. The sea wasn’t particularly calm to begin with and I felt sea sick on the boat during the brief ride out of the marina to the beach. Having been covered in Vaseline, I edged into the water to swim back to the English beach (you have to be completely out of the water before you commence). I could see little to begin with although the water felt warm (it’s about 16.5 degrees at the moment – considerably warmer than the first Dover training session at the beginning of May). Having been well brief by the General I was purely focused on the first hour: getting into a reasonable rhythm and swimming close to, but not too close, to my support boat Sea Satin. It is essential when swimming to France to focus on the next feed only. By breaking the swim into bit sized chunks, the task becomes easier to take on from a mental perspective.

Dawn breaks in the Channel. (Photo: Emma Critchley)

A simple communications pattern was used – a bright light was shined in my eyes every time a feed was ready. A tremendous amount of discussion surrounds feeding methods, drinks and bottles. I am pleased to reveal that my choice bottle, Highland Scottish Water 500ml Sport Cap, proved to be a joy to use: easy to drink from yet providing protection from the sea water. The Maxim carbohydrate drink proved to be effective too, although it is in no danger of being mistaken for champagne (it is frankly repugnant even when mixed with orange cordial etc).

After 2 or 3 hours ships began coming into view, and I first realised that things were going well when I noticed a cargo ship behind me (indicating I had made it into the first shipping lane). Swimming at night in light of recent shark sighting was never very comfortable, and I have never been so pleased to see dawn break. It was a tremendous sight to watch the sun come up over the horizon with ships in silhouette. My crew (now visible) did a fantastic job providing motivation via shouting, whiteboard messages and drawings. They ensured that I kept moving quickly after feeds (generally limiting these to 1 minute or so) in order to prevent me from getting cold.

One of the greatest challenges of the swim is that you can see France from miles away and it never seems to get any closer. The tides are also at their worst nearest to the French coast. Having progressed to within 2 miles of the coast within 9 hours, I then proceeded to go sideways with the tides for what seemed like an age. This coincided with a period of vomiting caused by a combination of sea water, swell and too much Maxim. Although this worried the crew a little, I felt considerable better afterwards, and the pilot even agreed to let me have a cup of Earl Grey despite his objections to ‘poncy tea’.

And on we went into the morning. Helicopters flew overheard, ships passed, I grew a beard and the sun got a little stronger. It became apparently that the tidal conditions meant there was no chance of hitting the Cap (the shortest route into the French shore) and at one point I feared that I was about to get an unwanted tour of the Costa del Sol. Eventually the tide relented a little and I began to squeeze into a small rocky bay. I could see people playing on the beach and it became apparent - not least from the fact that the crew were dancing on the top deck - that France was imminent.

One final challenge remained – getting out. The rocks proved to be large and sharp and the rules state that the swimmer must leave the water unaided. I was rather jaded by this point and aware only of someone bellowing for me to haul myself onto the rock using my arms. My legs had long since packed up and I slowly dragged myself head first up the rocks. Various cuts and bruises resulted although I did not notice these until much later. I finally sat atop the rock and slowly realised that the swim was at an end, and then delighted to discover that I had been joined by the rest of the crew who had swum the 100 metres from the boat.

It is difficult to explain how I felt at the end (in part as my recollection is somewhat limited). Relief is certainly the first feeling – relief that I could now lie down and be sick and relief that the gruelling training programme could now cease. Undoubtedly the finest aspect of swimming the Channel is the people you get to meet in the process. There are people from all backgrounds, nationalities and places. No one is very interested in where you live, your job, or what car your might own – the mundane nonsense by which success is often judged does not apply. The question is simply: ‘Can you swim to France?’

I have made many great friends, as well as increased my respect for the great outdoors and environment. What better way of unwinding after a week in the office than dodging oil tankers in the Europe’s busiest shipping lane?

I look forward to watching and helping others in the future.

Selected Quotes and Messages

2007-08-03T10:05:00.000Z

“Right boy, this is it. Now get your f***ing head down and don’t stop ‘til you hit France. I’m going to bed now.”
Pre-swim briefing from the General

“What do you mean he wants Earl Grey?! – we only have builders on my boat”
Sea dogs not keen on swimmer’s fancy ways

“Dover Coast Guard, this is Sea Satin: We are entering SW Shipping lane at 0200. Requesting wide berth from all vessels….”
Sea dogs attempt to deter oil tankers and cargo ships

“Rip the ass of a bear!!”
Our training mantra

“Oh no, they’re playing ‘Lady in Red’ again. Thank God he’s got ear plugs in………”
Salty sea dogs display shocking taste in music

“That’s a lot of sick…”
After 10 hours stomach decides it’s seen enough Maxim

“I love the sound of French ring tone in the morning”
Cliff calls boat for an update

“What’s the matter with his left shoulder?” “No, no: it always looks like that”
Left shoulder issues

“Get on the ROCK!” “Get on the ROCK!”
Continues for nearly 10 minutes

“What do you mean I have to swim back to the boat??” “You can do breast-stroke if you like….” “Thanks, Nick, very generous…..”
Shallow waters prevent the boat getting into French shore

“You have now joined an exclusive club from which you can never be kicked out, however badly you behave………”
I look forward to the annual dinner

J'arrive

2007-07-31T20:12:00.001Z

Earlier today I successfully completed the '1 width' solo crossing from England to France in 12 hours 36 mins. I left at 2330 from Dover and landed at approximately 1pm French time about 1 mile SW of Cap Griz Nez. I intend to publish a full report and photos as soon as I have stopped being sick and my arms are working more fully.

Thanks for everyone's support.

Rob Deakin
31 July

Identify the Author and Win(d) Big...

2007-07-25T12:33:00.000Z

"The wind's in the east. . . . I am always conscious of an uncomfortable sensation now and then when the wind is blowing in the east."

Who and where?

"I can't take a cage, man!"

2007-07-25T12:17:00.000Z

[RADIO]…..”The cyclone warning is for coastal areas between Torquayand Cape Ottway. Experts are saying this could be one of the worst storms in Australia's history. Heavy rains will continue into the night....with destructive winds reaching up to 100 miles per hour. The centre of the cyclone is now expected to cross the coast at Bells Beach early tomorrow morning.”

CUT TO: wall of solid water five stories high crashes straight down in a holocaust of spray...Rising up from the ocean to meet a tormented sky, roll the most terrifying waves any surfer has ever seen. They close out, pummeling the ocean floor, casting a shockwave up the shore.

BODHI: “Special Agent Utah I knew I could count on you……..”

SPECIAL AGENT UTAH: “Too bad. You finally get your waves and it's totally closed out………..You gotta go down. You crossed the line and people trusted you and they died…..I told them you'd go quietly.”

[HELICOPTER OVERHEAD]

BODHI: “NO! You know there's no way l can handle a cage, man”*

UTAH: “I don't care. You gotta go down. lt's gotta be that way.”

BODHI TAKES TO THE SEA AS ENORMOUS WAVES CRASH ALL AROUND

INSIGINICANT OTHER CHARACTER: “You let him go!.......No way! The guy's nuts. We'll get him when he comes back in.”

UTAH: “He's not coming back.”

[END]

*Brilliant – worth an Oscar for delivery of this line alone

Bag Yourself Some Beans

2007-06-28T21:31:00.000Z

Although the Channel Swimming rules clearly state that the swimmer may only use 1 pair of goggles, 1 costume and 1 hat, there is nevertheless a lot of kit required for the boat. A sample selection from the kit list is shown below.

This fortnight’s competition is to think of something else for the boat that might come in handy.

The winner gets a bottle of Veuve Clicquot and some Haricot Vert. Enter now by leaving a comment against this article……

Selection of items from kit list
- Seasickness tablets
- List of personal questions & answers (hypothermia)
- Lightsticks (green) & string (for boat at night)
- Shower gel/shampoo for grease removal
- Money
- Passport (swimmer and all crew)
- Large water-proof carry-alls for gear and drinks
- Razor & gel for good clean shave
- Ibuprofen or aspirin (for pain/inflamation), Paracetemol (for pain)
- Anti-hystamine for jelly fish stings (non-drowsy- test)
- Vaseline, Channel grease
- Plastic gloves
- Used pairs of goggles (1 clear for dark swimming)
- Antifog spray
- Used swimming costume
- Silicon swim hats (bright colour)
- Maxim/energy drink (as previously tested)
- Maxim electrolyte
- Fruit sugar
- Bottled water (500ml for ease of pouring) x many
- Spoon for drink preparation, Measuring jug
- Bananas, Peaches, Cadbury rolls/cake, Milky Ways, Jelly Beans
- Tea, coffee - ready made in flask
- Paper cups - 8oz biodegradeable
- Feeding bottle, Rope for feeding bottle

NOTE: I favour that Kate Moss would be a useful addition to any boat - and if you can arrange it I'm fairly confident you’ll get the champers and beans - however, unless you are Philip Green please come up with something else.

Musings on fishmongers

2007-06-28T20:58:00.000Z

One of most important aspects of Channel training is good nutrition. For the last few months I have been diligently eating a lot of fish in the hope that it will a) be healthy and b) make me swim a little quicker. I recently visited a fishmonger in Clapham and enquired which of his wares was the faster. Despite a further explanation of why I wanted ‘fast fish’ I received no satisfactory answer - indeed it became apparent that fish speed is completely omitted from the syllabus at fishmonger school.

Undeterred I have conducted my own (thankfully secondary) research and have been astounded to discover a whole wealth of literature on the subject. Happily the author of my favourite article, "The swimming energetics of trout: Thrust and power output at cruising speed ", P.W. Webb (1971), shares the same family name as the first man to swim the English Channel, Captain Matthew Webb. This can surely be no coincidence. If Mohammed al Fayed were involved in Channel swimming I imagine by now he would be instructing counsel in a bid to implicate the Duke of Edinburgh and MI6.

Further reading:

- Bainbridge, R. 1958. "The speed of swimming of fish as related to the size and to the frequency and amplitude of the tail beat" J. Exp. Biol. 35(1):109-133.

- Webb, P.W. 1971. "The swimming energetics of trout. Thrust and power output at cruising speed" J. Exp. Biol. 55:489-520.

- Videler, J.J. 1993. "Fish swimming" Chapman and Hall, London. 260 p.

Something else you didn't know:

In Shakespeare's Hamlet, some contend, the word ‘fishmonger’ was a euphemism for a pimp. Source: Wikipedia.

Allez la France

2007-06-05T18:08:00.000Z

Sometime between the 20th and 29th of July, I intend to swim solo from England to France in aid of Cancer Research. I will be armed with one pair of Speedos, one pair of goggles, and one rather fetching cap.

The distance is twenty one miles in a straight line, the water rather chilly at best, and my route crosses one of the busiest shipping lanes in the world with around 600 commercial ship movements each day. The precise timing will be determined by the tidal conditions and weather. I hoped that you might be interested in my endeavor and will consider sponsoring me http://www.justgiving.com/robdeakin

Swan Lake

Despite certain Parisian waiters’ attempts to persuade me otherwise, I have always rather liked France and consider swimming there to be a superb challenge. In December 2006, I contacted the Channel Swimming and Pilot’s Federation and booked a support boat for an attempt this summer.

Subsequently I spent much of the winter training upwards of six times a week with Otter swimming club, as well as splashing with the swans in the Serpentine (Hyde Park). In April, I went on a Channel Swimming ‘Boot Camp’ in Malta which culminated in conquering the Channel 6-hour cold water qualifying swim. This is to say nothing of a sustained campaign to eat more than an average sized family and taking enough Ibroprofen to kill a small horse.

Yes, General

Since the beginning of May I have been ripping up and down Dover harbour every weekend, narrowly avoiding hovercraft and hypothermia but rarely avoiding the stern words and furrowed brow of the ‘Channel General’, Freda Streeter. Freda has been coaching aspiring channel swimmers for the last twenty years and there are no excuses she has not heard many time before (ominously, “my arms are falling off” is one of the more common).

An unlikely looking General, Freda Streeter, Channel Trainer (Photo: Nick Adams)

Directing operations from her deckchair on the beach, the General draws upon her cigarette and informs swimmers of their fate for the day. “6 hours, you will do”, she said on Saturday without bothering to look up. Using her vast experience, the General does not tell you what is expected until you are changed into your Speedos – thus discouraging swimmers from beating a retreat to their cars and escaping home.

After a brief delay for Vaseline greasing, a group of about 40 swimmers tiptoed into the water sporting numbered caps and quite possibly wondering whether they would end the day with their sanity in tact.

The start of a 6 hour 20km swim, Dover harbour on Saturday. We repeated the same swim on Sunday

“What do you think about?“ is one of the most frequently asked questions.

Thankfully, there are a number of things to ponder other than the more obvious candidates such as, “my my, that’s a very large ferry advancing in this direction”. For example, I sometime wonder what the French are going to do if the newly elected Nicolas Sarkozy actually tries to reform anything, or worse does anything which remotely impacts French farmers or increases working hours. It would, after all, be very disappointing to swim 95% of the way to France to discover the ports blockaded and the French coast line besieged with crazed rioters. I’m sure this won’t happen, but coming up with a suitable response kills some time.

Allons-y

I intend to provide further updates leading up to the end of July, replete with more competitions and prizes. I hope that you are interested and will consider donating to Cancer Research’s vital work – more details of this can be found below.

Best wishes,
Rob Deakin

Cancer Research Purpose and Vision

We carry out world-class research to improve our understanding of cancer and find out how to prevent, diagnose and treat different kinds of cancer
We ensure that our findings are used to improve the lives of all cancer patients
We help people to understand cancer, the progress we are making and the choices each person can make
We work in partnership with others to achieve the greatest impact in the global fight against cancer

To find out more please go to http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/aboutus/

Caption Competition - Trouser a Great Prize

2007-06-05T18:07:00.000Z

Taken in the decidedly 2* Churchill's Hotel Dover, the photo features a Corby 7700 Trouser Press and a damp pair of navy speedos.

Come up with a caption and win a bottle of Veuve Clicquot and a pain au chocolat.

Captions can be submitted by email or by leaving a comment in response to this blog.

Da Crew

2007-05-10T20:40:00.000Z

I am lucky enough to have assembled a small support crew for the Channel Crossing. The crew are required to:

Provide feeds on a pole
Monitor hypothermia
Withstand a lot of abuse
Try not to get sea sick

I am to be ably assisted by:

Marc Fennell, 30: the team captain, apparently. I met Marc at university and we lived together for many years. In 2002, we bought a large flat together in Brixton which Marc refurbished from scratch. Despite doing nothing to contribute other than ruining one of the carpets, I was more than happy to pocket the profit. Marc is an excellent cook and is generally very practical. He is currently training for London Triathlon.

Matt Jackson, 28: less than able seaman. My school friend, fellow swimmer and dodgy guitarist. I met Matt on a life guarding course when we were 7. Aged 13, we won the English Schools Swimming championships together (along with two others from our secondary school). Mr. Jagger bought us all a sandwich to celebrate. Matt is currently studying for a PhD in chemical warfare, and, like all PhD students, is behind plan. He doesn't swim too much these days for fear of losing large.

Clearly with support like this, little can go wrong

Spot the Difference Competition

2007-05-10T17:44:00.000Z

These two photos were taken in Malta in April 2007, before and after the 6 hour qualifying swim in sub 16 degree water. This swim is a requirement of the Channel Swimming and Pilots Federation for all solo attempts of the English Channel.

See if YOU - or your toddler - can spot the difference?

Scroll down for answers below.........

Answers
Before
- Swimmers look relatively warm and happy
- No granny blankets
- Skin not yet stung by 20 jelly fish

After
- Tongue size of large labrador's (admittedly not shown so bonus points for this one)
- Swimmers wearing minimum of 5 blankets and many clothes
- Posing for camera limited to demanding the camera man fetch more tea
- Facial skin consistency of Covent Garden soup

How did YOU score out of the maximum 8 points? Don't phone: it's just for fun.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

2007-05-09T18:06:00.000Z

Q: How far is it?

18.2 nautical miles, 21 land miles or 34 kilometres as the crow flies. Unfortunately the tidal conditions make it impossible to swim in a straight line, often adding significantly to the total distance that must be covered.

Q: Why Cancer Research?

1 in 3 people are affected by cancer at some point in their life. One of my friends in currently receiving care for Breast Cancer in Western Park hospital Sheffield. There are many types of cancer and the need for further research is acute. Cancer research yields real results in respect of the prevention and dignified treatment of cancer sufferers.

Q: Do you wear a wetsuit?

No. Wetsuits help to keep you warm, are an aid to buoyancy and help most people to swim faster. One may wear: 1 pair of Speedos, 1 hat and 1 pair of goggles. When swimming in the dark, light sticks are also permitted*.

Q: What does the training involve?

I have been training at weekends with the 'Channel General', Freda Streeter in Dover harbour. We share the harbour with dullard rowers and large ferries. 29 laps of the harbour is the approximate (straight line) distance to France. The harbour looks quite clean when viewed from a satellite. You can’t see the jelly fish either.

An average week currently involves about 35-40k of swimming, mainly open water. For those who like this quantified in lengths of a 25m pool (and you are the majority), that's 1400 to 1600 lengths per week. I started training properly at the beginning of December 2006.

The most sessions I've done in one week was 10, but this can make activities such as staying awake at work rather difficult. The longest single swim I have done is 6 hours (several times). This will increase until around 2 weeks before the swim when tapering kicks in.

For any interested in having a crack, I have full details in my trusty training diary.

Q: Are there any sharks?

The much asked Spielberg question......there are no sharks. They are presumably sharking somewhere a bit warmer.

Q: Is the water dirty/cold?

Dover harbor is certainly pretty cold and is in no danger of being taken over by Evian. At the start of the season on 1st May, the temperature was approximately 11 degrees and this will hopefully increase to 16 degrees by the end of July. The Dover area is approximately 1 degree warmer than at the same time last year, suggesting that global warming is making channel swimming slightly easier.

Q: Do you have a boat to follow you?

Yes, indeed. Several swimmers have tried without troubling themselves with the inconvenience of arranging a support boat, but they are now dead so I thought this a reasonable precaution.

My pilot is Lance Oram and this is one of his boats, Sea Satin. Lance has done in excess of 150 solo crossings and is one of the more experienced pilots. The small rib towed behind the boat is to retrieve swimmers from the beach upon reaching France (the boat itself cannot get into shore as it is too shallow).

Q: How long will it take?

This is very hard to predict as it is entirely contingent upon the weather, particularly the wind direction and tides. The average time is approximately 13 hours. The tides near the French coast are notoriously tricky and it is not unknown to spend 3 or more hours within a mile of the coast.

A word on David Walliams - last July, David Walliams completed the Channel in 10 hours 30 mins and in doing so raised over a millions pounds for charity (a very small percentage of which came from me). This is world class effort - significantly quicker than the 14 hours that he had estimated. He is well regarded by the General who gave him several 7 hour swims in the harbour and treated him like everyone else. When asked by the media to arrange a guard of honour for Walliams after a long training swim, she sent them packing.

More recently Walliams has focused on using his fame and wit to chase totty on the London scene. All told: a good lad.

Q: How many?

Captain Matthew Webb made the first observed and unassisted swim across the Strait of Dover swimming from England to France on 24 August–25 August 1875 in 21 hours and 45 minutes. He allegedly drank brandy and beer to keep him warm.

According to the Channel Swimming & Pilot’s Federation website, up to the end of 2006 there have been:

- 916 solo crossings from England to France
- 255 solo crossings from France to England
- This including 33 2-way swims & 3 3-way swims

These were completed by completed by 544 male swimmers & 262 Female swimmers – 806 individuals in total.

By comparison, as of the end of the 2006 climbing season, there have been 3,050 ascents to the summit of Everest, by 2,062 individuals (source: Wikipedia).

The world record number of channel swims is held by Alison Streeter MBE, the General’s daughter. She has completed:

43 Crossings in total
1 x 3-way swim
3 x 2-way swims
34 x 1-way swims

Q: Grease, Goose fat, et al

‘Greasing’ is allowed although this is concerned with preventing friction burns rather than keeping warm. Checklist of areas to grease:

- Chin
- Under arms
- Triceps
- Back of the neck
- Knackers

There are several grease products available, although my current favourite is Vaseline petroleum jelly.

Q: What do you think about?

This is not actually as much of a problem as you might assume. Swimming outside is far more interesting than in a pool - you never know when you are next going to get stung by a jelly fish, for example. Here's some activities that pass the time:

The A to Z game - think of a subject such as 'Ways to Kill Celine Dion' and then come up with 26 ways of doing so. Asphyxiation, Boil in Oil, etc.
Singing - Generally, I stick to Bob Dylan and Neil Young as they tend to have pretty long songs and the lyrics are good.
'What am I going to eat when I get out?' game - this tends to occupy at least the last hour of most swims. Most weekends now involve 10+ hours of swimming which burns 8000 calories or more. Channel swimmers are helping to sustain the Italian economy and sausage factories throughout the land
'Please can I have some more Maxim'- carbohydrate drink that Barry provides at one or two hour intervals. The answer, in between times, is no
1,2,3 breath, 1,2,3 breath, 1,2,3 breath. Continues until night fall.......

* Extract from the Channel Swimming and Pilot’s Federation rule book:

"No person in a Standard attempt to swim the Channel shall use or be assisted by an artificial aid of any kind, but is permitted to grease the body before a swim, use goggles, wear one cap and one costume. The word "costume and cap" shall mean a garment, not made of neoprene or rubber or any other material considered by the Federation to give a similar type of advantage, and not in any way designed to contain body heat, and/or aid buoyany.

THE OBSERVER WILL HAVE TO APPROVE THE "COSTUME AND CAP". THE SWIMMER MUST MAKE SURE THEIR "COSTUME & CAP" ARE OF AN APPROVED TYPE BEFORE THE SWIM STARTS AS THE SWIM WILL NOT BE RECOGNISED IF THEY ARE LATER FOUND TO NOT CONFORM.

During a swim no physical contact with the swimmer shall be made by any person other than to pass food and drink or secure such items as light sticks for safety reasons"